a kite's love song

Clouds
Of love
Enshroud me
Envelop me;
I lie transported
Bereft of barriers
That bind me to mortal ground
You take me to a new-found-land
Where myriad shades of love unfold;
Our kite like freedom finds new expression.

Together we go, your soul threading mine
Tossed, turned and careened by desire,
Higher we glide, guided by dreams
Until suddenly, you snap,
Leaving me to savour,
Those precious moments
Before I fall,
For your love
One more
Time.

one of my earliest poems in free verse. - maybe 2007?

the invisibility of memory

The remembrance
of forgetfulness
blinds words
that hide beneath
the surface of
volcanic thoughts
waiting to burst forth
in a canvas of emotions.

They refuse to erupt
And instead stop. Abruptly.
Their rivulets of
Loquacity stifled,
Silted into muteness.

Seconds, minutes and aeons
Seem to pass,
But nothing wills
Their unwillingness
To spill and fall.

And then, suddenly
They disappear,
Recede into greyed
Folds.

Lost
To the cacophonous
Laughter of the world
And the empty tears
Of a loved one’s memories

There emerges a calm
On the face,
The remnants of remembrance,
Now forgotten.

Many a time,
The loved one waits
For the torrents
To emerge,
If just once.

Alas! They
Are now buried,
Lost in a world
That she is lost unto.

Alzheimer’s –before it takes away reason

written in may 2011

i did. i did not.

Sorry.
I know it is a hopeless word
And that it cannot reverse
The kindness and care.
But listen to me just this once.
Even if it doesn’t matter anymore.

Sorry
For losing myself
To desperation.
For trying ways to keep you
With me, without
Ever finding out
How it must feel
To never know
Until the end.

For submitting you
To the trauma of cure
And all the sympathy
That came disguised
As tender care.
And not understanding at all
That it was empathy
You sought,
Not maudlin cries
Over furrowed brows.

For not asking you
If you would like
To be propped up
By the window
Not showing you hope
In the rising sun,
The beauty of the birds
And the open sky.
But instead,
Overpowering you
With concoctions of every kind,
In the hope that you will
Stay.

I wish
I could have
Known that it was the
Cure that evoked
The pain in your tears,
Instead of mistaking them
For gratitude.

I wish
I had known
That at times you just
Wanted to be free
And at others,
It was comfort
Of closeness, you sought.
But,
I chose instead to
spend those hours
In fervent prayers
To keep you with me.

Maybe,
if i had shown you
The starlit skies,
Your favourite tv shows and
Food for the soul,
I might have been lucky
To find solace
In that twinkle in your eye
Over decaying skin.

Sorry
For succeeding in
Willing your life
For my sake,
Albeit a while.
And in turn,
Watching you die.




this is the way i felt as i watched my father die. and then k's dad. both died because medicine couldn't do much. 2011 may