haiku

barren, brown and parched,
they stand. bereft of any life,
no leaves, just dead roots.


written now. in the moment.

what will be?

unknown fears
have a habit;
they creep and crawl
into crevices reserved
for love, for other things
like wishes and prayers.

they sit upon the heart,
refuse to budge
and settle,
uncomfortably within.
and then they creep up
toward the spine,
and find a home in the mind...

they snuff out rationality
smirk at logic that allays
fears that will not be
they tire every thought
that passes by
until sleep descends...

minutes pass...one by one,
and quite suddenly,
the heart screams
in futility,
pleads the mind to behold and see,
fear take on a monstrous form
never before seen


of course,
the mind has known fears like these,
hover around and disappear,
not this time...
for this time,
the fears
speak of darker ills

the mind knows then
that there will always be
a lump in the heart,
that will never cease to be,
for it reflects the state of humanity.

o! what have we come to be?
what more can we come to be?


written now, in the moment

it's never goodbye

some frayed photographs
are among the last few
remnants of what was,
of where you once belonged:
to my world
that, and a handmade card,
with your name on it,
speak to me
silent verses,
full of voices,
that only my heart can hear.

is that all that is there?
for me to remember and share?
is there no more
than a faint fragrance
of your love,
no more than a faded shade
of the greying shirt
you wore many a time?

is there nothing at all
to claim that you once were
my dearest friend, my confidant and guide?
is there nothing at all
to dim that pain,
each time i remember
your words,
the many lessons,


there is nothing perhaps,
than a searing memory,
and
eyes that well,
each time i see those photographs and
handmade card.

and yet, sometimes, i see
that beautiful face,
come upon the mind's eye
as if to tease the heart
into believing
the nightmare will turn sweet,
that you will walk
into my door one day

the doorbell rings...
my heart rushes to open itself
the mind laughs at me,
such a child i have become,
since you have gone...



written now. 3rd death anniversary of my father. couldn't make it to bangalore. and the thought hit me. suddenly.

here, there, nowhere

Aimless chatter,
phlegmatic conversations,
purple prose,
cacophonous laughter,
mindless voices,
pierce the mind.

I wander away,
Neither here, nor there
A vacant smile,
A nod sometimes,
Mostly, a vacant stare
I don’t belong, quite evidently
And suddenly,
Everything becomes an effort
Even the smiles.

And then, i am pulled back
To mundane chores
Ah! But mundaneness does allow
Me to slip away once more.



The mind slips into listlessness,
Neither here nor there

desire (diamonte)

Fire
Sparkles, hot,
Igniting, searing, devouring,
Desire, love. Dampened beads,
Drowning, quenching, appeasing,
Divine thirst...
Water.


(diamonte is a kind of formed poetry:

one word
two adjectives describing first word
three words (ing words) describing the subject
two words describing subject; two words describing the opposite
three words (ing) describing the opposite
two adjectives describing the opposite
opposite word

soul, sold

Some time ago,
I don’t recall,
Was it summer, was it fall?
When I sold joy for melancholy,
For its frown, its sadness
Held new appeal

I bought tears for laughter
Lost the twinkle in my eye
and my smiles
It seemed inappropriate
To stay happy amidst the cries
that I saw the world to be

I gave my hopes away,
To traders and merchants
who stocked happiness
in their stores,
And gifted my dreams,
To the poor beings on the streets

I gladly sold the trivial joys
Of watching the sunrise,
and chocolate bars,
To a place on the couch.
I sought darkness
Instead of light,
and loneliness for gaiety

And when love rattled at my door,
My soul was empty,
I could never see, the clouds part,
For by then my eyes were blind.
I could not feel the warmth in my womb,
For I was not me,
Anymore.


written on 20 march 2010. watching my father in law slowly slip away into another world. just 20 days before he died. felt that i was numbed by emotion - the pettiness of life - it hit me like never before

the call

The unbearable weight of sorrow,
Wraps itself around
Muffled beats,
Lost amidst the silent cries
Of wanting to be freed

The child’s smile,
The loved one’s arms,
The sunrise,
The birds and flowers,
No beauty seems as appealing,
As that final call

Alas! Tucked beneath different layers,
She beats, resilient,
Every sound, a proclamation,
Of life that wills to live despite
That call

If the blinds were lifted just once,
If the layers that bind her so,
Drop their guard just once...

If she was allowed to see,
The farce called love, the lie called life,
She would agree
The futility of her being;
Her beating.

I wait that moment
To try to reveal
Only to be caught
Once more.

How long will I blind her
How long?

I wait.
In desperation.
Deprived of the one thing that will
Still
My yearning



written sometime in 2010